


Spent a Lifetime of Holding On

by spazzgirl



Series: Romanogers CACWCD [13]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: CACWCD prompt 13: "This isn't just about you. It's about what's best for all of us.", F/M, Nick Fury - Freeform, Romanogers Captain America Civil War CountDown, agent may - Freeform, bobbi morse - Freeform, director coulson, feels in this one, romanogers - Freeform, slight Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 03:15:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5568742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spazzgirl/pseuds/spazzgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it was for the best they kept telling themselves</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spent a Lifetime of Holding On

**I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas guys! Anyways, still continuing on with the Civil War Countdown going on Tumblr. I’ll be honest with you all, this week’s prompt was a little bit tricky for me but decided to wing it.**

**I PROMISE NOT TO KILL ANYONE IN THIS ONE!!!**

**It seems I always have the tendency to kill either Nat or Steve, I can’t help it, writing all this angst helps prepares me for Civil War. Speaking of which, I just watched the trailer, AGAIN, and still cried over that Romanogers phone convo.**

**Also I know many of you are currently waiting for the Romanogers adoption fic I promised, but I will get to it!**

**Summary:** _it was for the best they kept telling themselves_

**Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used**

_< speaking in Russain>_

**ENJOY!!**

_Prompt 13: "This isn't just about you. It's about what's best for all of us."_

_Song used: A New Hope by Broken Iris_

Soft gentle hands caressed the face of the sleeping figure. It was a peaceful moment, the night was calm and still, but still the woman was still uncertain about what was going to happen next. She didn’t want any of this, all she wanted was a peaceful life.

“Nat?”

A soft voice called out to her, bringing her back to reality. Turning around she spotted a man wearing a dark blue suite, red linings, and a white metallic star in the middle of the top half, with a red and white mesh. The man standing across the room was none other than Captain America.

Walking up to her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her against his chest.

“Everything okay?”

She shook her head, “I can’t do this Steve I just can’t,” breaking free from his grip, she looked back at the crib once again. “I _can’t_.”

Steve knew how much his wife was hurting, “I know Nat, I can’t do this either, but we have to.”

“No we don’t, we can keep him hidden. He’ll be safe.”

“Nat, we don’t have a choice.”

“He’s my son!”

“ _Our_ son Nat. this isn’t just about you. It’s about what’s best for all of us.” The super soldier sighed as he pushed his hair back in frustration. “You don’t think I want to hand him off to some stranger? Nat, we both knew that this was going to happen, even before the Superhuman Registration Act started. We barely made it out from the whole Ultron fiasco.” He wrapped his arms around Nat, trying to comfort his wife. “I don’t want him to be alone, I don’t want him to grow up alone and having to be moved from place to place because of the orphanage.”

Nat knew that her husband was right. Their firstborn, their only child, James Rogers was a blessing. The moment the two had begun dating in secret, married in secret and then James was born out of their love. Life for the two was hard especially keeping their relationship a secret. They managed to treat each other was teammates and partners in front of everyone, but the moment they slipped out of everyone’s eye, behind closed doors they were lovers, a couple, and parents. Though after James’ birth, it was hard for the two to be away from their son, only Sam knew about their secret relationship and offered to take care of their son. Still it wasn’t enough and she knew that James would need two people to take care of him.

“We could always bring him over to Clint’s place, Laura wouldn’t mind looking after him.”

Steve knew she was going to bring up Barton. “Laura has enough on her plate, I don’t think it would be fair for her.”

“I know but still.”

“Look, technically he’ll still be with people we know, not strangers.”

They were the only ones who knew about Coulson’s revival because Fury trusted him after he found out his top spy was pregnant and married to Captain America. James would be taken in with Coulson’s team and growing up in his own SHIELD facility. Their son would grow up completely safe, in the shadows and undercover.

“I just hate it that we won’t be there for his firsts steps or any of his firsts.” The moment Nat held their beautiful baby boy, it was hard to let go of him, even when the nurse told her she needed to clean the child. Steve volunteered to help, saying that it would help him bond with their son.

Steve placed his left hand over hers, their wedding rings gleaming in the soft light. “I know, but I promise, once this is all over. Once _everything_ is settled, we’ll come back for him, and we won’t have to hide anymore.”

“That still doesn’t help the fact that one of us, or both of us could die in our line of work.” Nat was being realistic and knew that Steve hated when she was realistic.

“I’ll step down,” turning around, she looked at him shocked, “I’ll step down from being Captain America, if Bucky manages to get better, he’ll take over the mantle, if not, Sam will.”

Nat looked at her husband, worried filled her eyes, “Why must you say it like that? Make it sound like you’re going to die or something.”

“I’m sorry Nat,” he held her in a comforting hug, “I didn’t mean to make it sound like that. I know you love your job, that’s why I’m offering to step down as being Captain America.” Using two of his fingers, he tilted her chin up, “Besides your still my second in command, so you’ll be leading the Avengers.”

“That still doesn’t stop me from worrying.”

Steve sighed, “I’m not doing a good job am I?”

She chuckled, “No you aren’t.” As he leaned down, she leaned up, the two engaged in a passionate kiss.

Once they broke apart, Nat gently held James in her arms, the small child whining a bit and woke up. Blinking a few times, his beautiful blue eyes widened in joy as he saw both his parents. His chubby hands waving and clutching a bit as his parents smiled down at him. James cooed in pure happiness as his father gently poked his nose and his mother kissed his forehead.

 _< My sweet little prince, your mother and father love you very much.>_ Steve knew that the only time when Nat spoke in Russian was when she would feel emotional.

Steve grabbed his original dog tags that he was wearing and then gently placed them around his son’s neck.

“As a way to never forget who you truly are and where you come from.”

Nat also noticed that there was something different about his tags, they had both her symbols and his behind them, and an additional tag was added, it was her birth name on it.

Steve smiled at her, “Had it down a month ago.”

Once everything was packed for their son, the couple stepped out of the house and spotted Coulson and Fury waiting for them outside. Their house was far away from civilization so people wouldn’t be suspicious about seeing a quinjet.

“Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff.” Coulson smiled at the two.

“Director Coulson,” Steve smiled at the man.

“I supposed all arrangements have been settled?” This time it was Fury that was speaking.

“Yes sir.” The super soldier responded.

“Romanoff,” her eyes spotted Agent May coming off the quinjet alongside Bobbi, Nat smiled at her former SO. “It’s good to see you.”

“Same as you,” Nat nodded at Bobbi, “you too Agent Morse.”

Bobbi smiled in return and looked down at the small bundle in her arms. “Wow, he looks like Captain Rogers.”

“Except the hair,” May smiled, “he got that from his mother.”

Nat looked down at her son, who was looking at the new visitors, she had hoped that James would look completely identical to his father, but smiled in joy the moment she saw the fuzz of dark red hair that would become brighter as he got older. Though the spy was somewhat grateful that James didn’t look completely like Steve, or else a lot more people who have noticed and their secret would have been revealed. Nat frowned as she watched her husband hand Coulson all the necessary things that they needed.

“Agent Romanoff, it’s time.” Fury’s voice called out to her.

Nat bit her bottom lip and clutched James tightly, not wanting to let go of her now crying son. Steve walked towards his wife and wrapped his arms around her and his hand gently stroking James’ head.

“Nat, you have to let go.”

“I can’t Steve,” she choked out, “I can’t let our son go.”

“I know love, but it’s for the best.”

May walked up to the couple and held her hands out, reluctantly and carefully she handed the other agent her son. Once James was settled in May’s arms, his cries became much louder as he cried for his mother’s warmth.

Bobbi walked up to them and placed a comforting hand on Nat’s shoulder. “We’ll take good care of him, I promise.”

The moment she watched Agent May board the quinjet with James in her arms, she broke down onto the grass and cried into the night. Steve kneeled down beside her and held her in his arms, rocking her gently.

It was for the best they told themselves.

** END **

**I decided to include some Agents of SHIELD stuff in here. I thought it would be best if they had Phil take care of baby James because he would be in secret and not many people know about the new SHIELD.**


End file.
